kannineh

Woke up yesterday at 3pm like I normally do. Felt groggy like I’ve been thwacked with a baseball bat like I normally do. Took a piss half-awake and completely missed the target the first few seconds like I normally do. Brushed my teeth like I normally do. Rinsed and spat toothpaste out like I normally do. Color of spat toothpaste was decorated with streaks of bright red.

Hmmm.. now that’s something you don’t get to see everyday.

At first, I thought my blurry vision was still fucked from waking mid-afternoon, and that I was seeing things. Or I had cut my lip when I somehow rolled off the bed and thunked face-first into the cold floor below… like I normally do. On some days. Ran tongue around mouth. Nope, no pain there. Where’s all the blood coming from? Pinched myself just to make sure I wasn’t having some elaborate bathroom horror nightmare. Nope, arm hurts. What gives?

Rushed to get my mini-AA Maglite pen-torch so I could play dentist on myself in the mirror. Found the source of the wound.. a tiny hole in the far recess of my mouth.. where my wisdom tooth is.

Now, most of you people would have your wisdom teeth removed when you were young(er). I didn’t. Heck, I never even went to a dentist until I was 15. Thankfully I was blessed with good, cavity-free teeth and well-informed parents who didn’t OD me on sugar, sweets and candy like the other kids. Yep, I had a pretty deprived childhood. So, I still have my set of four beyootifully-formed wisdom teeth growing happily into my gums until yesterday morning when it apparently decided to do a Dante’s Peak, puncture the gum and spew blood-red volcanic lava. Strange that despite my apparent wound, I don’t feel any pain whatsoever. Either last nite’s alcohol ingested during clubbing session’s still working it’s pain-inducing magic in my system or my pain threshold just went up a few notches.

Looks like it’s time to pay the neighbourhood dentist a visit for some TLC. Knowing the dentist he’s probably gonna reccomend I have my wisdom teeth surgically removed. But I don’t want to have ‘em removed… won’t removing your wisdom teeth make you like… you know… less wise? Think the term for it is stupid.

Bet this would explain why Bush doesn’t have any wisdom teeth.

Anyway, that’s a story for another time. I hate dentists. Always have, always will. Well, not hate hate. More like avoid unless absolute-fuckingly necessary. Even the very thought of going for my annual scaling & polishing session drives my pulse up a couple o’notches. And driving home at rush hour does enuff of that. The sound of a whirring drill and your wide, gaping mouth don’t go together very well. Stuff like that should stay in medieval torture chambers where they belong.

Now where’s that dental card of mine… time to make an appointment. And a will before I pay Dr. D a visit. Bet the pain of removing them in-grown teeth’s gonna be a real bitch. S’OK… I’m a man… what’s a little pain eh? Bring it on. I can take it. Yep. Can I have general instead of local anaesthetic? Put me to sleep… please! SHOW SOME MERCY!!!!!

Dentist appointment… 4 days to go.

*deep breath*

:(
J

PS: This whole removin-the-wisdom-teeth thing got me thinking… if everyone really IS born with wisdom teeth, then why the hell do we need to remove ‘em? Put it this way: It’s not wise to remove your goddamn wisdom teeth! Must be another conspiracy hatched by the dental industry. Ranks right up there along with overpriced Oral B toothbrushes and their “the brand more dentists use themselves” tagline. Goddamn dental corporations